Evans World 2011–Weeks 5&6

Greetings, friends, and thanks again for your patience as I took a week off in sunny San Diego, sitting by the pool and the ocean, soaking in the warm sunlight and pondering just why the FF Gods have abandoned me so completely.  Yes, it was satisfying to have Mindi walk around the airports wearing a Green Bay t-shirt (she lost a bet with me), but it was frustrating to have her stop and tell everybody that she’d lost a bet with me!  That summarizes the past two weeks of FF for me.  Frustrating happiness.  Allow me to elaborate …

THE GODS ARE DEFINITELY CRAZY
All the things I’ve done for the FF Gods … I agreed to be Commish again, I sponsored several players, I even brought in the two noobs to round out the league.  But, no, it’s not enough to satisfy their vengeful mockery.  Instead, they’ve decided to screw me over royally this season.  Let’s review the past two weeks:  Andre Johnson (first round pick) – Out; LaGarrett Blount – Out; Julio Jones – Out; Daniel Thomas – Injured; Devory Henderson (from trade with Nathan) – Injured and FF worthless; Mike Sims-Walker (my hopeful late round surprise pick) – Dropped.  Yeah, as Mindi reminded me often on Sunday as I watched Gary stomp on me again and again … just concede.  She’s a smart woman.  But am I ready to concede the entire season?  NAY! I say.  NAY!  Give me back those players (and Sims-Walker can just bite me), and I’ll make the path to the playoffs painful for each of you!  The wrath of the FF Gods to me is vengeful.  Rest assured, the wrath of the Commish for the likes of you losers (well, winning losers) shall be great and never-ending.  If nothing else, I’ll trash the shit out of you in this blog.  Gary’s got to feel good today.  That is the first time he’s beaten me in FF since 2006.

NATHAN’S BACK ON TOP
Anyone else notice that after not knowing “who any of these players are” Nathan has managed to find his way back to the top of the league again?  Why are you people letting this happen?  Berk, this is on you.  Put him in his place and get your way back to the top again.  A word of advice … I don’t think Tebow’s going to get it done for you.

KEVIN REDUX
Don’t let Kevin’s 2-4 record or 9th place standing fool you.  He’s the #2 team in the league in points.  I think with his win over Tom (always a good thing) in Week 6 is the start of a rally.  Will it be on the heels of Fitzpatrick and the Bills?  Instinct tells me no, but stats make me wonder.  Certainly, Michael Turner has surged lately which should continue as long as the Atlanta WR corps and Matt Ryan can’t get things figured out.  Good luck trying to stop him this week, Ritchie.

SPEAKING OF FIGURING THINGS OUT
Tom, you suck.  It’s frustrating that Tom is doing so much better than me, and should continue to do so.  Again, the FF Gods smite me in ways that hurt the most.  After finally starting Owen Daniels, it still wasn’t enough to beat Kevin, although Holmes and the Jets defense kept it close enough to make Kevin’s heart skip a beat or two Monday night.  Fred Jackson is definitely doing better than anyone envisioned.  Enjoy it while you can, Tom.  I’ll see you in Week 10 when I’m 5-5.

BATTLE OF THE …
… Bottomfeeders = Week 5, Me vs. Rob.  One would hope that I could have started my ascent from the basement in this matchup against the #11 team, but alas my team failed to show up and Vernon Davis finally did.  Was I comforted enough by the Packers win over the Bears the week before to endure this loss?  Alas, no.  I swear, each time Mindi told someone she lost the bet (including the CVS cashier and the waitress at the bar), I could feel my defeat to Rob dig just a little deeper.
… Tonys = Week 6.  The battle for the right to keep the name Tony was held by DC Tony as NewT failed to bring the thunder.  Losing by a mere 2 points probably didn’t help much at all.  Experience wins out, I guess, and NewT will have to keep the nickname until they meet again in the playoffs.
… Browns = Week 6.  Battles between brothers are always fun (right Tom?), so the first matchup between Berk and Ritchie looked to be a fun one.  Who knew Berk would get spanked so badly?  I for one enjoyed it.  It made up for the pain I felt letting Berk’s purple jersey into my house back in August.  Too bad Cruz sucked and Hillis got hurt at just the wrong time.  Things not looking so good for Berk right now.

RANDOM THOUGHTS

• Dwayne Bowe is paying off huge for Nathan.  Too bad Steve Breaston isn’t for me.  Change after the bye week?  I look to the FF Gods for a sign …no??? Fuck you, then.
• Poor Gary.  Stuck with Rothesberger again after Campbell’s injury.  Going to pick up Pryor?  Considering the coach called out to any QB sitting at home listening to come play for him, I’d say his confidence in guy is a bit thin.  Between his QB woes and the confusing rushing lineup of the Patriots, Gary has some hard choices ahead. Looks like Carson Palmer is going to Oakland.  Might be worth considering there, GarBear.
• Are John Elway and I the only people who know Tebow is going to fail as an NFL QB?  I hope to get vindicated this Sunday when he fails to do anything against the poor Miami defense.  Should be fun to watch.  Berk might actually be happy that Lloyd was traded to the Rams!
• Defenses continue to score huge each week.  Anybody want to debate with me why some of the top defenses don’t deserve a pick in round 8 or 9?
• Really disappointed that no one stepped up to guest write for Week 5.  I for one would love to hear Tony or Mike’s thoughts each week.  And what about NewT, the sports writer?  Kevin, it’s a great place to continue to develop your blogging skills. 
• Aaron Rodgers.  Awesome two weeks.  Week 5 he threw to 12 different receivers (sure, not a great FF thing, but a pretty damn cool thing for a Packer fan!).  Week 6 he broke the record for consecutive games with 110 QB rating or higher.  Sure, I don’t put too much stock in the QB rating since it can’t account for things like 2-minute scoring drives, passing under pressure, or passes through double and triple-coverage, but it’s still quite the achievement.  NewT is enjoying the ride as well.  I liked him picking Rodgers over so many RB in the first round.  It’s paying off huge.
• The Eagles lost to the Bills?  Really?
• It’s official.  Nathan definitely got the better deal out of our Henderson-Hernandez trade.  Where are the other trades this season, people???
• There was NO trash talking in Week 6.  Sad people.  Just sad.
• The Bengals are 4-2.  Thanks to Gary I have a new found hatred of A.J. Green.  But, is this really happening?  Crazy.
• If I hear one more discussion about “complete the process” for a catch, I’m going to rip out the rest of Tom’s hair.  Probably the dumbest rule ever written for any sport ever played.  Let’s change it up so we don’t have inconsistencies like the Burleson catch this weekend.
• I’m a sad person.  I actually watched the video of the tire ramming into the head of Dan Wheldon.  It’s tragic what happened to him, and there’s nothing anyone could have done to prevent it.  We can, however, take that video off the Internet. 
• I doubt even Gary noticed it before today, but Janikowski sat on the waiver wire during two of his best FF games ever.  Hell, even Nathan should have seen that one.  We’re really snoozing this year, people.
• All the text updates I get from ESPN for FF are much easier to manage and review with the new iOS 5 on my iPhone.  Too bad the Yahoo! FF app still sucks donkey dick.
• Listening to NFL games this past Sunday on SiriusXM radio was a nice change.  They broadcast the local announcers for both home and away teams, so you can choose whose perspective to listen from.  Some of those announcers just need to go.  They’ll never rise above where they are anyway.  My favorites were the Packers’ color man who had more negative things to say about the Pack than positive (in a very droll voice), and the Patriots cover team who while reviewing the NFC scores asked, “Do we care about the Saints-Bucs score?” The terse and immediate reply:  “No.” 
• I sat in the drizzle and rain to cheer on the Huskers in their comeback win over the Buckeyes.  Mindi and I had several Buckeye fans from Ohio staying with us that weekend.  They were silent all the way home.  They didn’t say very much about the game at all, much less how the experience in the stadium was (although they did like the Runzas).  I think the pain was too great.  At that point, I didn’t care.  It’s probably the second best game I’ve ever been to in Memorial Stadium, and I was proud to be a part of it.

WEEK 5 AWARDS

• MVP – Fred Jackson for Tom.  That guy is an FF stud this year.  I, for one, think it’s a short-term thing.  Drafting Jackson in the first round next year would be a mistake.  C.J. Spiller fans though are crying for a trade.  Great pick.
• Honorable Mention – Cam Newton for Mike.  I mentioned it last time that Mike’s got a tough pick between Newton and Stafford each week.  In Week 5 it paid off.  In Week 6, it stung.  I have to agree with the experts.  Newton is playing above his age and experience, even though his team is losing games.  Ride the train a little longer, Mike.
• Best Owner Choice – Lots to pick from this week.  Mike’s start of Newton and picking up Redman (didn’t quite pay off like either of us expected).  Tony putting in Deion Branch even though the Wes Welker train is still going strong.  Gotta go with NewT picking up the San Francisco defense just in time to have a huge week.  Why you ask?  Because I did the same thing in my other league (of course, I lost there too).
• Unfortunate Bench – Lots here too!  Hines Ward still has some relevance for Nathan.  Pierre Thomas too.  Shaun Greene has got to be a weekly frustration for Jason.  But I’ll go with Rothesburger who pissed Gary off enough in 4 weeks to get benched, then came out huge.
• Lawrence Phillips Award – No winner this week!  How sad.  It’s my own fault for being on vacation rather than watching the games and looking for the stupidity that was sure to be there.

WEEK 6 AWARDS

• MVP – Ahmad Bradshaw for Mike.  I love to see a middle-tier player like Bradshaw come out and have a huge FF year.  Reminds me a lot of Ed McCaffrey back in the day.  Just fun to watch him play and do well each week.  Bradshaw is finally doing that for Mike with Jacobs out of the way.
• Honorable Mention – Marques Colston comes back in a huge way for Nathan.  Not that he needed the help this week, but definitely fun to see.
• Best Owner Choice – Lots of options, mostly defense starts.  Jason for the Raiders, Tony for the Bengals.  I like Tony rolling the dice and winning with Miles Austin’s return.  But, this week it’s a definite tie between Ritchie for picking up and starting Barth at K (quite the gamble/find) and Gary for Pettigrew.  Both are solid pickups and should continue to payoff each week.
• Unfortunate Bench – I’ve already talked about the difficult choice Mike has with Stafford, so this one goes to NewT for Jordy Nelson.  Hard to decide when to play a Packer WR, no doubt about it.  But Nelson at home is almost a must start.  He just loves to do Lambeau Leaps so much you’re sure to see him in the end zone each time.
• Lawrence Philips Award – Hearing about it on the satellite radio and then seeing the replay Sunday night, Jim Harbaugh definitely went over the line in decorum.  Whether he meant to or not, he did shove Jim Schwartz after the handshake. And then he blew off his questions like a high school thug.  Sure, get excited about a win.  Be excited for your team that won a close and great game.  But show respect first.  Don’t be like Lawrence Philips and run them over with your car.

I have to admit, I really missed writing last week, but I thank you for your patience and giving me the chance to sit by the pool and watch the palm trees sway.  As you can see, I was still able to find ways to remind you all how great you are while also pointing out how much you totally suck for doing better than me.  This is going to be a long season for all of us.  Buckle up.