What I Think About Turning 40

Today I turned 40.  I’m not sure what’s funnier, the fact that I never really thought about turning 40 much until now or that I honestly don’t feel even close to 40.  Growing up 40 was an age that was beyond the realm of possibility.  It was so far away it wasn’t even a blip on the radar.  Part of me may have even wondered if I’d live that long.  When I turned 30 and 35 the number popped up and disappeared like so many other thoughts through my swiss cheese brain.  So this past month as the date drew closer and closer I noticed with a smile on my face how little I cared.  I don’t feel “over the hill” as it were (I, for one, have always hated that phrase.  I can only think of the smallest handful of people who actually looked, felt or acted over the hill at 40.) nor do I feel old.  In fact, I feel quite the opposite.  I feel incredibly young today as I write this.  My lovely wife of 2.5 years is sitting next to me playing games on the iPad while my almost 17-month old son naps upstairs.  The Foo Fighters are blaring through the TV through my home media streaming network. 

I look back on 40 years of my life today with a sense of wonder and astonishment at all I’ve done and felt and experienced in my life.  I can think back to my earliest memories and work my way up through the years, which is saying a lot for a guy with such a crappy memory.  I remember the good, the bad, the bright and the dark with equal appreciation for how each event, person and moment shaped me into the person I am today.  I truly believe, today more than ever, that our lives are the sums of our experiences.  That includes everything from the friends who have come into and left our lives (and from time-to-time re-entered them), the loves found or lost, the historical events of the community/nation, the dark days of despair when hope was a fleeting speck of light on the distant horizon and the happiest, blissful moments often accompanied by tears of joy.  I look back at my long, full life and I am glad.  I am grateful to so many for their influences on me.  I couldn’t count all the blessings I have in my life for there are just far too many.  Every time I started the list of them my heart swelled with the joy of it, and I just couldn’t continue.  I thought about listing all those people who deserve thanks and recognition for their contributions to my life, but that list too is so long and full that I hardly know where to begin.

There was a day, over 40 years ago, when my parents decided to have a second child to enhance their family. I hoped I exceeded their expectations of that child, even though there were plenty of days when I’m sure I didn’t.  I look into the face of my son and I understand fully how having children isn’t about the continuation of the species.  It is a bond, a gift to the next generation, a passing on of my life and experiences to someone else to take into new directions.  I have so much from the first 40 years of my life to share with Alex, so many amazing memories of people and places and the things that we did.  His life is guaranteed to be rich and full because my own life has been so rich and full.  He will always get to enjoy the stories about “when Daddy did…” or “remember that time that Daddy …”  from me, Mindi, Kevin, my parents, my family and my friends.

Today my heart is full and I feel young.  My eyes overflow with tears of joy for the blessings and experiences of my life so far, for my family and the multitude of friends (past and present) who have helped shape my life into the beautiful story that it is.  I listen to the music, see the smile on Mindi’s face and wait for the sounds of Alex to wake so we can see what adventure we’ll have together next.  I can’t ask for more.  I can’t wait to see what happens in the next 40 years.  It is a good life, and it’s far, far from over.