Evans World 2011–Week 13

And thus endeth the regular season.  We saw highs (Berk – Week 12, Kevin – Week 2) and lows (Brad – Week 8, Brad – Week 12).  Congrats to you lucky bastards who are going for the money.  I realize I never declared how the money will be awarded!  So, first place will get $350, second place $200, third place $50.  So let it be written, so let it be done.

MY PLAYOFF PREDICTIONS or EXACTLY WHAT WON’T HAPPEN
So, now that everyone in in place, here’s what’s going to happen.

• Tony P. has gotten into the playoffs for the past 3 years and has never won.  This year is his best chance of all four.  What’s the catch?  After his first round bye he plays one of the two teams that have done well in recent weeks.  Look for a potential upset here.
• Ritchie’s team is definitely surging late.  In his last 5 games he’s averaged 109 points.  I don’t see any reason for that to change in the next 3 weeks.  Yahoo! has Nathan projected as the winner, but I think it will be way closer and Ritchie will pull out the win.  And still, he hasn’t changed his team’s name.  I’m almost ready to award any money to Chris Roode.
• Rob and Tony G. (yes, he’s earned the right to ditch the nickname) found their way in thanks to Kevin’s poor luck in scheduling.  With the Packers facing Oakland this weekend, I think Rob’s chances of a win are slim at best.   Unfortunately, Berk has proven to get huge points at just the right time so Tony will have good reason to be upset with the guy who invited him to join us in the first place.
• Berk and Tony P. will meet up in the finals and Tony will follow the Ravens to overall victory in Week 16.
• Maybe I’ll talk about the bottom playoffs next week.  Right now, I’m too pissed to talk about it … except …

TO SUM UP, IT JUST SUCKS TO BE KEVIN
Kevin finished his season as he played it.  Huge points, not enough to count.  He demolished most of the league in his last week, but thanks to Tom’s failure he should have an easy time in the Toilet Bowl Playoffs with the rest of us bottomfeeders.  I think Kevin is happy this regular season is over, just for different reasons than us.  His team this year is definitely one for the Book of the Weird and Unfortunate.  He finished the regular season #2 in total points, #7 overall.  The only thing that looks right in all this is that he lost his matchup to most of the teams that actually made the playoffs, so maybe he’s right where he should be … nah.  In honor of his achievement, I’ve created a new record for “Highest Total Points in a Season” that I’ll add once our season is over.

PEARLS OF WISDOM
So, as I look back on what was by far one of my worst FF seasons, I feel the need to pontificate on my drafting failures in order to raise myself above them; as if by talking about them intelligently you’ll forget that I made the stupid choices I did and think me wiser.  Perhaps you’ll even come to say “Wow, Brad is so smart.  It must have been the players’ fault.”  Here’s hoping.

1. Never trust your instincts when you suck.  Sure, I’ve been playing FF for 12 years and I’ve made my playoff runs.  But I’ve never won.  Not once.  Therefore, it’s impossible to say that my instincts for FF are as solid as Nathan’s with his numerous wins.  During the draft, I went with instinct rather than any of the expert advice from the lists I consulted.  My instinct told me Philip Rivers and Blount would have another huge year.  My instinct told me Steve Breaston and Mike Sims-Walker would be huge.  My instinct told me Mark Ingram would be a starter by Week 4.  I think I’ve made my point.
2. Chose your help well.  Avoid Sports Illustrated as a draft guide. Find any other one and stick to it.  If you’re Tom, just rely on everyone else. If you’re lucky, maybe you can have Nathan share his lists with you.
3. If Nathan is upset you took his player, that’s a good thing.  How many players did Kevin steal from Nathan?  Never forget, you mix up Kevin’s schedule just a little and he walks away with the regular season.
4. Don’t show up to the draft unprepared.  Yeah, I barely researched this year.  Can’t you tell?  In my defense, it was the first year I knew players’ names better than Nathan did.
5. Don’t over-think it.  I literally avoided several Packers in the draft because I thought I’d have too many players from one team.  Normally, that’s a sound strategy.  But this year it was a flat out mistake.  I should have taken the player that would get the most points.  There’s always the possibility of a trade …. well, except for this season when you all held onto your players tighter than Scrooge’s purse strings.

RANDOM THOUGHTS

• Need an idea of how bad my team was?  After the first set of games on Sunday, 7 out of 9 of my players had earned a combined total of 18 points.  Mike Wallace, playing for Tony G., had scored nearly 17 points by himself.
• I’ve updated the EW Records page with the playoff info. In case you’re wondering, my matchup this week is not the biggest blowout in league history.
• In all fairness, looking at my two leagues, Mindi’s league and my boss’ league, it looks like teams either had a really good week (Ritchie, Kevin) or a really bad week (me, Tom).  Not much of a comfort, I know, but a remarkable thing to me.
• With Forte out indefinitely, will Jason change his team name?  I was looking forward to the Bears-Packers game on Christmas Day, but unless they pick up McNabb, it’ll be an easy win over Mindi’s current favorite team.  Saw a note this morning the Bears are looking at Favre.  Wow.  Probably the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen.
• Wasn’t that Packers-Giants game just awesome?! Jordy Nelson is quickly becoming the #2 receiver behind Jennings.  Something tells me he’ll be drafted higher than round 11 next FF draft.
• Sure, Nathan started a QB who was out.  In his defense, they didn’t announce it until Sunday morning mere minutes before even Tom was logging in to check his lineup (which he finally did). 
• Roy Helu had another good FF day.  I wonder how long he stays on the bench before finding a spot in Berk’s flex.
• You know, if you just read headlines, you’d think that Tim Tebow won those 6 games all on his own.  It’s like he plays offense, defense and kicks the winning field goals!  If I were a Bronco player, I might not say it publically but I’d be thinking that Brandon Marshall was smart to leave when he did.  Apparently one person is only needed to win any game.  I can’t stand how the media is handing Tebow’s “success.”  It’s like he’s the greatest QB in recent history.  In his defense, Peter King did relay his post-game interview with him, and I have to admit he was a very well-spoken interviewee.  Even still, I think he gets traded in the off-season, because you just don’t see John Elway getting as ecstatic as the sports writers.
• I’m no expert in college football, but I think Oklahoma State deserved the #2 spot.  Yes, I’m biased, but I think I’m right.
• Anybody sad that Carl is leaving?  Not me.  Bo ran that defense, and I could see him appointing himself defensive coordinator and head coach.  But, who is Bo going to yell at now?

WEEKLY AWARDS

• MVP – Gotta give this one to Arian Foster who satisfied the expectations of the experts (see trusting lists above) and helped Rob get enough points to secure the last playoff spot.  Will it last one more week?
• Honorable Mention – In a potential preview of Week 15, Ritchie followed Brady and Gronkowski to a huge victory this week.  I know I said last week that Jimmy Graham is the #1 TE drafted next season, but you’ve got to take a good, long look at Gronkowski and the success Ritchie had handcuffing him to Brady this season.  May not be a bad #1 TE choice too.  I love the fact that Gronkowski was a late draft pick last season with all sorts of doubts about his health.  Now he’s about to break a huge TE record for TD’s in one season.  Who knew?
• Best Owner Choice – I love Ritchie starting Toby Gearhart this week.  Garcon sat on his bench the entire season, finally having a weekend of note, but Ritchie saw the greater potential of Gearhart against a touted Broncos defense that paid off.  Great call!
• Unfortunate Bench – Really, Garcon was the only player on the bench who did well.  Except for, you guessed it, Philip Rivers who scored almost half my team’s total points in his first really good play in weeks.  Douche.
• Lawrence Phillips Award – I was in the back assembling my new desk when Mindi yelled to tell me that Jason Garrett, the coach of her beloved Cowboys (yes, she’s a Cowboys and a Bears fan, although she said she’s more of a Bears fan) had frozen his own kicker.  Ten minutes later she yells back that the Cowboys had lost the game.  I know Garrett defended his decision, but it’s crap.  There was nothing to be gained by that time out, and the game was lost as a result of the decision.  In his cell, LP was laughing his ass off on this one.

For those of you on bye, enjoy the break.  For the rest of us, good luck in your matchups this week, whether they’re irrelevant or not.  Next week we’ll take a long look at the draft and decide who was brilliant and who was wrong, besides me that is and talk more about scoring changes for next season.  Have a great week, everybody!