Evans World 2011–Week 1

What a weekend of football!  Craziness all around.  The hardest thing for me to figure out is how much of the weekend was pure flukes.  Is Chicago really that good?  Is Atlanta really that bad?  Is Nathan really that lucky?  If you’re like me (and about 10K other Fantasy owners) you may be over-analyzing what we saw this weekend and leaning towards making massive changes in lineups.  I’m resisting the urge to do so, and I hope you will too.  I can’t imagine that Berk will do that well that often.  He’s started strong before … and ended up in second place. 

Anyway, on to my my first analysis of our league for the year!  I know you’ve been waiting for it more than the new CBA to be signed or for your Justin Bieber concert tickets to arrive.

I USED TO LIKE WES WELKER
I had Nathan in my sights.  Even he admitted he’d written the weekend off.  And then Tom Brady has to go and have the best passing night in NFL history, throwing that friggin’ pass to Welker who had the nerve to run it all the way back!  Where was Ochocinco?  Jeez, why spend all that money to get him then just go back to what you’ve been doing for the past five years?  Jerks.  Nathan wins the Beer Bitch Bet too now.  Take my advice friends, never lose to Nathan in a Beer Bitch Bet … it’s hell on earth.

EVERYONE HATE NEW TONY NOW?
So, both the noobs win this weekend.  Anyone else see a problem with that?  Rookie New Tony shows up and demolishes us all.  Anybody else having a flashback to Foit’s first year in the league when he and the Bears went all the way to the championship?  Yeah, let’s not let that happen again.  So, while I’m prepping my lineup to teach the Fremont Boy a stern lesson next week, I’m hereby starting the contest for the best nickname for New Tony.  Enter your thoughts as a comment to this post.  I’m thinking of something that includes the word tampon.  You can also take comfort that he’ll be trading Nelson and Starks away in the coming weeks, just hopefully not to Nathan.

LET’S HEAR IT FOR THE NOOB
Speaking of noobs, Ritchie squeaked out his first win against Mike “I Know I’ll Win This Year” Johnson.  I know I had him written off.  See above mention of the dick-douche Tom Brady who ruined Mike and my weekend.  It did make for one of the best comebacks I’ve ever seen in a matchup.  Even Reggie Bush exceeded expectations!  Sorry that your Round 10 pick of Kaeding won’t pay off this season.  I know the punter made the field goal kick, but something tells me he won’t win that job full time.

TOM, YOU THERE?
Turns out my brother Tom has not read a single post on this blog since I started it almost four years ago.  How fucking sad is that?!  Do you know how many times I’ve mocked you in these pages?  Some of them were such pure poetry portraying your pathetic personality that I weep to think of them!  Hopefully you’re reading this and remembering just how much you suck sometimes.

WOW, IT STILL SUCKS TO BE GARY
I thought Gary drafted a solid team this season.  Of course I thought that last year.  And maybe a little bit the year before, but not as much.  Before the season even started he lost his token Chief when Moeki went down.  Turns out it’s just as well since the whole Chiefs offense stayed in church Sunday morning.  Even still, definitely liked the Ben Tate start.  Sorry Kevin managed to pick up Sproles before you could, Gary.  Will his team do any better this year?  I think it’d be really unprofessional of me to make such a guess after just one week … but no, I don’t think they will.

RANDOM THOUGHTS

• I like Mike’s success with Matthew Stafford and Calvin Johnson together.  The Lions have one of the weakest schedules in the NFL.  Aside from the heavy division games coming up, I could see this QB/WR duo helping Mike get off to a good start.  I’ve always liked having a duo like that on an FF team.
• Not sure I agree with Yahoo giving DC Tony the praise for the best drafted team, but his 3rd place finish this weekend might lend some credence to it.  Let me just say this about DC Tony.  He’s never won this league, but he has finished in the top 3 in 4 out of the last 5 years.  Yes, be very afraid.
• I may not know much, but I do know that Kenny Britt was a one-week wonder.
• I’ve gone over his team again and again and I honestly can’t predict how Jason’s team will do.  Cinderella story in the making?  Too soon to tell.
• Ritchie, change your team’s name.  Driving me crazy.
• Gary, Tom and Jason, don’t feel so bad about getting blown out by the top teams in the league this week.  At least you scored more points than Kevin.
• ESPN has started a new show dedicated entirely to Fantasy Football that is on for 90 minutes up to the first games.  I don’t know if you watched it, but I thought it was below average.  They spent most of the time I watched either reiterating things they’d said a dozen times already or spouted out educated guesses that didn’t have me leaping to change my lineup.  We’ll see how the show develops.  They did have some good stats here and there.  I don’t know if they had a shorter show in-between the games to let you know if anyone was sitting.  Just so Rob knows, in the hour I watched they mentioned Arian Foster not playing about 100 times.  Might be worth watching next weekend seeing as how you’re the only owner in the world who started him.
• McNabb passed for only 39 yards.  Wow.  That’s just sad.
• I’ve never been a big fan of Janikowski as a kicker.  I know it’s cool he tied Jason Elam for the longest field goal ever kicked.  I just remember how happy I felt for nice-guy Elam when he kicked it.  That meant much more than this one.
• It’s a good day to be a fan of the Bills, Lions, 49ers and the Bears.  All of those teams exceeded expectations, both on the field and in the FF world.  Will Fitzpatrick become Kevin’s starter?  Probably not.  But maybe we’ll take a longer look at those players before benching them each week now.
• It’s a really sad day to be a Chiefs fan.  Wow, could they have let you down any more than they did?  It’s going to be a long season.
• I don’t envy Tom’s decision on what to do about Peyton Manning.  If it were me, with everything I’ve heard so far and knowing how long it takes him to come back from injuries in the past, I’d be looking to trade him or drop him for a more profitable player after Week 3.  Any takers?
• Need a TE?  Check in with me and Ritchie about picking up one of the Pats’ boys.  Might be worth it.
• The Packers are going to have a very good year.  No guarantees against the Bears though, and that’s frustrating.

AWARDS FOR WEEK 1

For New Tony and Ritchie, each week I give out awards to players based on their FF play.  I used to give out prizes to their owners, but I’ve got a wedding to pay for now so you’ll just have to settle for bragging rights.  Hell, you should all be thanking me for including your names in this blog so that any Google searches you make on your name will actually come back with some results.

• Fantasy MVP – Tom Brady.  Guided Ritchie to his unlikely win and sealed my fate with that damn pass to Welker.  I hate to say it, but part of me was hoping he’d come out and have another season-ending injury.  Gotta stop thinking like that!
• Honorable Mention - Ray Rice could be this season what he was supposed to be last season. FF owners rejoice, especially DC Tony.
• Best Owner Move/Choice – As I said before, I like Gary starting Ben Tate, and Kevin picking up Darren Sproles will pay off.  My favorite move was Berk picking up Ward just long enough to get some action, then dumping him right after.  Way to be a man, Berk!
• Unfortunate Bench – So many choices this week.  If there’s any indicator of how bizarre this weekend was, you can find it on some of our benches.  I could go with Kevin for not playing Fitzpatrick, but if he had we’d all be going to him for advice every week.  I could even say Steve Smith for Tom, but I understand the unknown factor of Cam Newton on that decision.  So, I gotta go with Mike Tolbert for Nathan (not that he needed him to beat me … yes, still bitter).  The #2 most FF points in the weekend collected dust on Nathan’s bench.  It’s the only satisfaction I can get from my close loss.  I may not get over this until I kick his ass in Week 12 by which time Ryan Matthews takes over RB duties full-time.
• Lawrence Phillips Award – Once again I’m happy to breakout the LPA to be given to the player/team/etc. that does something that is just so stupid only a loser like Lawrence Phillips could be guilty of it.  This week the award goes to Tony Romo.  Not just because he’s my fiancé Mindi’s favorite dreamy QB right now, but because his two turnovers lost the game and were so easily avoidable.  Something tells me Romo may be up for this award a couple of times this season.

I still have all the League Records dating back to 2006.  I’m going to work on converting them into a format you can easily read on this blog.  Should have it up soon.

Good luck to everyone in Week 2!  I know this post wasn’t as good as some in the past, and I never did apologize for missing the final 4 posts of last season.  I promise there’ll be plenty of Tom-bashing to go around all season long.  Join the fun.  Become a follower of my blog and add comments.  The Emperor commands it.